Adam-Troy Castro

Writer of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Stories About Yams.

 

The Unhappy Ending of the Mutiny on the Bounty

Posted on September 3rd, 2018 by Adam-Troy Castro

The historical story of the Mutiny on the Bounty has been filmed not three but four times, starting with an Australian film of little consequence except for the appearance of a young Errol Flynn, then moving on to the versions with Clark Gable (still the best), Marlon Brando, and Mel Gibson. In all of those, Fletcher Christian is treated as a tragic hero.

(Yes, I know that only the Gable and Brando versions are based on the novels by Nordhoff and Hall. They are all still based on the historical event.)

The implication at the end of the Gable version at least, and to a lesser extent the Gibson version, is that the mutineers had found their refuge from civilization and got to live happily ever after.

What amazes me about THE BOUNTY story is that nobody has made a full-length movie about the mutineers turning against one another on Pitcairn Island. We know exactly what happened there, and it is a fine parable of male entitlement and white privilege, which seems to me to be *made* for the movies.

What happened is that Christian and the mutineers took the BOUNTY back to Tahiti to pick up the women they’d dallied with, as well as some men to help round out their crew.

As dramatized, the women loved these whites so much they were happy to go, and maybe they were; but one factor is that the Tahitian King ordered them and the other dragooned sailors to go, because he wanted plausible deniability. He was not an idiot and wanted no war with the British Empire. So the native men and the women who went with them were taking a hit, for their homeland, and they might have been unhappy indeed. (Some BOUNTY sailors decided to stay on Tahiti and wait for British justice, and it largely did not go well for them.)

The mutineers knew that there was no place they could go, anywhere in the known world, where they wouldn’t be imprisoned as criminals, so they ventured to an island they knew about that nobody ever went to, Pitcairn. It was ideal in part because it had no harbor and was therefore not a useful port. Uninhabited at the time, it was a fine, sleepy little paradise, self-sustaining, if you want to lounge around all day doing almost no work.

The mutineers stripped the BOUNTY of supplies and burned it to keep it from being spotted, then settled down to what they imagined would be a life of ease.

So for a while the mutineers lived with their native women (some of whom, we are now sophisticated enough to understand, may not have appreciated the finality of the deal they were making), raising families, and then one day, one of the mutineers found himself a widower.

Tough luck.

Except that, however justified you imagine the mutiny to have been, it is a crime that once committed, is easier to commit a second time.

The bereaved man went to Christian, their leader, and demanded that he order one of the Tahitian men to hand over his woman, or at least share her. He had more rights to a woman than this brown savage!

The Tahitians resented this. Some of the mutineers thought Christian should throw his weight around, make them buckle under.

Honestly, these people were living in peace — with or without tensions — until this one white guy decided that the brown people were interchangeable.

I do not recall whether Christian took the part of his fellow white men or of the Tahitians, but either way, the situation escalated, and he was reduced to hiding in a cave on the island while anybody who had not been killed was out for his head.

When Pitcairn *was* finally revisited by another British ship, they found only one lone surviving mutineer, and a handful of children — the ancestors of everybody living on Pitcairn today. No further adults had survived.

A parable for how white male entitlement will wipe out civilization.

Finding Ted Cruz in an old issue of JOHN CONSTANTINE HELLBLAZER

Posted on September 1st, 2018 by Adam-Troy Castro

One of my pet peeves is the use of a comic-book scene as metaphor for a real-world situation, often a sign that the writer cannot think in more sophisticated terms.

However, I am about to do just that.

In an early issue of JOHN CONSTANTINE HELLBLAZER, we check in on the current whereabouts of the foul demon Nergal, who at Newcastle subjected Constantine to the early trauma that is close as he has to an origin story for a time in the early going seemed poised to become Constantine’s arch enemy, but who (by about thirty or forty issues in) was supplanted by The First of the Fallen.

Constantine defeated Nergal so decisively on a couple of those early occasions that the demon’s status in Hell was ruined, and so when we catch up with him, he is forced to exist as underling to another who delights in humiliating him.

At one point, Nergal’s new lord — whose name I forget right now; call him Ralph, for reasons that are about to be rendered obvious — summons him to analyze the substance of a recently devoured human being, and provides the sample by projectile-vomiting it in Nergal’s face.

The art clearly depicts Nergal’s helpless disgust and rage as he says, “Thank you, my Lord,” and gives his demon superior Ralph the analysis he wants.

We know enough about Nergal to understand that he does not like this. He would personally like to be hell’s figure of authority. But he has been reduced to the target of abuse, a vassal. Now Nergal must say,
“Thank you, my Lord,” and do what he’s been told.

I have always remembered that scene. What a comedown for a once-formidable villain. What torment! And what a dead giveaway that for all his grand talk, he was always just a weasel!

Donald Trump is Ralph, and Ted Cruz is Nergal.

AFTER LAST SEASON (2009)

Posted on August 29th, 2018 by Adam-Troy Castro

Originally published online in 2009.

The annals of very bad movies include a number famed for being so-bad-they’re-good, along with a number that are so-bad-they’re-painful-to-sit-through. And then there are those so very awful that they function as alien artifacts, glimpses into some alternate dimension where things that resemble people wander through a landscape that completely fails to simulate any resemblance to life as we know it.

Case in point: After Last Season, reputed to be the single worst movie to actually show in theatres in 2009. It’s nominally a science-fiction story about a psychology experiment that plugs the researchers into visions of a series of murders taking place near campus, but providing that plot synopsis gives After Last Season more credit for coherence than it accomplishes. In fact, it’s an alternate world where people wander through stark rooms of stacked cardboard, where MRI machines are sculpted out of styrofoam, and where the shadow of an unlit lightbulb hanging on a lonely string distracts from a professor whose classroom appears made out of particle board.

This is a world where conversations about nothing in particular are regularly interrupted by insert shots of random objects like ceiling fans and broken-down bookcases and, at one exciting moment, a folded towel on top of a filing cabinet. It’s a world where sheets of ordinary printer paper, taped to walls at strategic locations or represented to us as local newspapers, are as important to the overall look of its civilization as intrusive heating ducts were to the inhabitants of Terry Gilliam’s Brazil. The exterior walls of one house has sheets taped to them every few feet (as awnings, I suppose), and one conversation is interrupted by an interminable close-up of the posted notice, “The Dormitory has New Recycling Containers.” In After Last Season, you know you’re in a psychology lab because another wall bears another sheet of paper labeling it, “Psychology Lab,” even though the only table is covered with a disposable tablecloth and the floor is littered with pieces of cardboard.

Other sets look like basements, unoccupied offices, and unfurnished apartments into which chairs or folding tables have been thrust to simulate environments inhabited by actual people; an effort that fails when the cameras reveal extension cords or litter or windows that have been incompletely covered up to simulate uninterrupted walls. The production designer was a guy named Gregory Reed. Next to his work in this film, the paper-mache graveyard in Plan Nine From Outer Space was a titanic achievement.

The dialogue and performances are even worse. None of the actors, including the protagonists played by Jason Kulas and Peggy McClellan, seem to have anything in mind but getting to the end of their respective lines without tripping over their tongues…a goal they don’t always manage, not that their stumbles ever inspired director Mark Region to shoot another take. At one point two women chuckle warmly for no particular reason when reporting that one off-screen personality works as a carpenter. Conversations circle obsessively around irrelevancies like the availability of a working printer in the basement, and the popularity of a local hot springs.

And then there’s the CGI: endless sequences from the trances entered into by the experimenting protagonists, where floating cones and cubes combine and recombine to form the visions that lead toward the confrontation with the story’s killer. None of them function as well as a 1997-era screen saver. But the movie certainly seems very impressed with those spinning cubes and cones. No doubt a double-feature leading from this film to Avatar would cause a number of exploding heads.

One published account informs us that after this film was booked in four theatres to minimal business, the distributors informed the venues to destroy their copies rather than incur the cost of shipping them back. It’s tempting to wish that somebody had thought of doing the same with the original, but then we wouldn’t have what we have now: evidence that the makers not only went to the time and effort of making this thing but imagined that it was worth inflicting on other people.

 
 
 

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