Robert Mueller’s office has announced that Assistant Undersecretary of Protocol Harvey Nickelman has been investigated thoroughly and “seems legit.”
Nickleman has not met with any Russians, any suspect lobbyists, any white supremacist movements or any beautiful red-headed spies.
“He does his job,” marveled Mueller.
“He’s qualified for his job,” added Rachel Maddow.
“He doesn’t profit from anything he does,” confirmed the New York Times.
Nickleman, currently 40,000 in the line of succession, works in a small cubicle in Baltimore.
Tweeting today, the President stressed that he had no idea how he got around to hiring such a person.
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