That sensation one gets when one knows where someone else is coming from but can still tell they’re full of crap:
This morning, I found myself waiting on the register line at Best Buy. I am holding my sole purchase, a Blu-Ray disk of a recent movie I won’t name in this context because I don’t want any discussion emerging from this post to focus on whether it’s a good movie or not, as it inevitably would.
The woman in front of me is tiny. I mean, she is not what we now call a little person, but she is a little person, short and slight. If the top of her head reaches my collarbone, it is by virtue of any stray strands of hair standing upright due to static. She is small. And she is carrying her purchase, a computer printer. I don’t how much it weighs, but holding it by the two handles cut into the cardboard box is a task involving much of her available arm span. She is struggling with its bulk. Nor is she finding the weight a great joy. As I watch, she twice uses her knee to kick the burden back into an easier altitude.
I say to her, “If you’d like, I’ll carry it for you until we get to the counter.”
She smiles and tells me she’s fine.
It’s the last communication we have. Only second later, the cashier calls her up.
Only then does the woman who was standing behind us both say to me, “You shouldn’t have done that.”
I said, “Do what?”
She says, “You disrespected her as a woman by implying that she needed your help.”
I reply, “It had nothing to do with her being a woman. It had to do with her struggling with a weight, and me being bigger than her.”
The woman behind me says, “Yes, but when you do that, you are also diminishing her by saying that she will always need the help of men.”
I say, “Maybe so, but in this case there were special circumstances.”
“What?”
“Helping her didn’t even occur to the woman standing behind both of us.”
Comment By: Michele D Dekelbaum
January 3rd, 2017 at 11:52 am
Perfect response. It’s not about men/women, it’s about helping another human being who needs it.
Comment By: Katherine Hughes
January 3rd, 2017 at 12:18 pm
I love your reply to the woman reprimanding you. Bravo.
Comment By: Rory Metcalf
January 3rd, 2017 at 12:18 pm
BOOM. Nice comeback!
Comment By: Chet Williamson
January 3rd, 2017 at 1:17 pm
Perfect. People should *always* help people.
Comment By: Liz Williams
January 3rd, 2017 at 1:17 pm
I’m quite happy to give up my seat on the Tube, hold doors open for people and help people who are struggling with something.
Comment By: Gale Mead
January 3rd, 2017 at 12:54 pm
Jesus, some people will find *any* reason to be offended. It doesn’t sound like the diminutive woman you offered to help took any offense. There’s a difference between being thoughtful, considerate, and kind (which you were) and being, well, whatever that woman thought you were being. My mother is 81, and under five feet tall. She travels frequently, and is glad to have the assistance of a taller, stronger passenger offering to help put her carry-on in the overhead bin. It’s called being NICE! To anyone reading this: Please don’t let anyone discourage you from being nice.
Comment By: Michael Rapoport
January 3rd, 2017 at 1:17 pm
Great response. When did courtesy become a microaggression?
Comment By: John Skipp
January 3rd, 2017 at 2:17 pm
BOOM!
Comment By: John Skipp
January 3rd, 2017 at 2:17 pm
Oh, shit, Rory said that already. Okay…DOUBLE-BOOM!!!
Comment By: Patrick RichardsFink
January 3rd, 2017 at 2:17 pm
KAZAAM!
Comment By: Barb Padgett
January 3rd, 2017 at 10:17 pm
You are my hero.
Comment By: Stephanie Weill Andrew
January 3rd, 2017 at 11:17 pm
FTW o/
Comment By: Ettore Johnson
January 4th, 2017 at 7:03 am
My son offers to help people at checkouts and to load heavy items into their vehicles in carparks. He’s a big lad, 6ft tall and 160lb, just turned 16.
When they question why, he answers, “I’m a Boy Scout, it’s my sworn duty.”
Most of them realise he is doing it for all of the right reasons. Some don’t.
Comment By: Jon Meltzer
January 5th, 2017 at 1:54 pm
And the reaction was … ?
Comment By: Adam-Troy Castro
January 5th, 2017 at 4:20 pm
Wordless sputtering.