Adam-Troy Castro

Writer of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Stories About Yams.

 

The Timeline of a Trump Outrage

Posted on January 13th, 2018 by Adam-Troy Castro

The timeline of a Trump Outrage:

DAY ONE: During a meeting with the Ambassador from Sweden, Trump suddenly says, “I really enjoy burying puppies up to their necks and then using a lawnmower to chop off their little fucking heads.”

DAY TWO: In response to the outrage, a million Trump followers argue that this is not backyard barbecue talk and that it doesn’t matter all that much that he said, “fucking.”

DAY THREE: Right-wing pundits provide footage of Obama accidentally banging his knee against a coffee table and saying, “Shit!” This, they say, is the exact same thing.

DAY FOUR: In response to arguments that this is not the exact same thing, Trump says that he didn’t use that language, that he actually said puppies are for losers and that everybody knows it. Nationwide, Trump supports upload videos of themselves lawn-mowering their confused family dogs while snickering that this will really bother the liberals. They have no other reason for doing this other than that.

DAY FIVE: With all argument turned toward whether Trump actually used the adjective “fucking,” nobody notices that he has signed an executive order outlawing black people from purchasing undergarments.

DAY SIX: Trump tweets that he never said anything about puppies and that nobody has ever liked puppies more than him, in the entire history of Mankind.

DAY SEVEN: Trump is overheard saying that he likes drowning kittens in buckets of motor oil.

Please note that there are always 3-4 iterations of this cycle taking place at any one time. They overlap. It is the sociopathy equivalent of singing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” in the round. Thus, day 2 and 4 of this cycle are day 1 of other, unrelated outrage cycles.

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