Adam-Troy Castro

Writer of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Stories About Yams.

 

Your Approved Safe Story

Posted on June 9th, 2015 by Adam-Troy Castro

Welcome to your approved safe story.

In this safe story, the characters are guaranteed likeable.

They are guaranteed to make all the most admirable decisions.

Nothing bad happens to them.

Nothing bad is done by them.

There is no evil in the world around them.

They are presented with minor obstacles that challenge them in no way.

Everybody respects everybody else.

Everybody deserves respect from everybody else.

Everybody is enlightened.

You will not have to disapprove of anything they do or say.

Your opinions will not be challenged by anything they do or so.

Everybody is pretty.

You will not be sad at any point.

You will not be troubled to feel any unwanted concerns for them at any point.

You will not have to worry about what the author is saying because he has gone to the trouble of having the wisest character summarize it for you at the closest thing to a dramatic moment.

You need not worry about any ambiguity.

There is no ambiguity. He is correct in everything he says and everybody learns something.

The message he has to impart is guaranteed wholly uncontroversial.

It is nothing anybody but a bad person can possibly disagree with.

There is nothing to object to in this story.

This story is provided in simple declarative sentences that will never be more than a line or two away from a period.

The paragraphs are all short. There are no metaphors. There are similes, but being similes, they are explained to you so you don’t have to figure them out.

You don’t have to pay too much attention to understand this story.

It will pass painlessly.

This story has been engineered as per your stated preferences.

It is designed for you to like.

Do not worry about the characters being changed by this story.

Do not worry about you being changed by this story.

This story is guaranteed to be about nothing.

Enjoy.

One Response to "Your Approved Safe Story"

  1. Trigger warning: do not read if you are easily traumatized by contemplating the future of literature.

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