Adam-Troy Castro

Writer of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, and Stories About Yams.

 

The Stupidest Thing About America’s National Anthem

Posted on February 20th, 2018 by Adam-Troy Castro

The stupidest thing about our National Anthem is that with three of the four stanzas of the original poem omitted for racism or other political reasons and only the third actually sung at ball games and whatnot, what’s left, what we sing, is the cliffhanger.

It amounts to, “Morning’s coming. Is the flag still there?”

When the never-sung fourth verse arrives, it tells us, essentially: “Yay! The flag’s still there!”

So what we sing, what we venerate, is that moment of uncertainty.

What’s actually happening, of course, is that the vast majority of us never actually parse the meaning. Like Ammon and Clive Bundy tearfully reciting the Pledge of Allegiance while vowing to defy the government, which they want us to know they don’t recognize, thus establishing that they don’t understand the meanings of the words “Pledge,” “Allegiance,” and “Republic,” we happily sing a song that, shorn of context, is basically an ode to our survival hanging on a precipice, with a twice-asked plea for somebody with better eyesight to tell the speaker whether our flag has survived the siege at Fort McHenry.

This is honestly beyond ridiculous.

And really, it amounts to the National Anthem equivalent of William Dozier’s narration at the end of an episode of the Adam West BATMAN. Remember those? “Oh no, Bat-viewers! Our Caped Crusaders are bound to a giant document, and about to be stapled by the Joker’s office supplies! Will they live? Or will they bent, folded and mutilated? Tune it tomorrow, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!”

OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM AS WE SING IT IS LITERALLY THAT PART OF THE STORY, BEFORE WE GET THE RESOLUTION OF THE CLIFFHANGER.
Honestly.

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