Look, I’m going to explain this in terms you might be able to understand.
I like chocolate cake just fine.
I think chocolate cake is one of the things that makes life worth living.
As a fat guy, I not only return to chocolate cake more often than is healthy for me, but can actually wax rhapsodic about great slices of chocolate cake from my past.
I’m perfectly capable of sitting down with you and geeking out over chocolate cake.
But I can’t eat just chocolate cake.
I would die.
Hell, long before that I would grow to hate the very taste of chocolate cake.
So I eat other things, occasionally even healthy things, and as a result my palate becomes a bit more sophisticated. I grow to enjoy flavors other than coma-inducing sweet. I come to recognize that some dishes, prepared with more subtlety, actually reward my taste buds in ways that chocolate cake cannot. I don’t eat Escargot, for instance, because I’m a snotty poseur intent on showing my superior breeding. I eat it because I was taught to eat it and I grew to love it and consider it a treat. You might hate Escargot yourself, but the principle does apply; just pick another rarefied flavor, if you prefer.
Now imagine that you live in a world where people are obsessed with chocolate cake, to the point where they discuss it ad infinitum, slaver with anticipation over chocolate cakes to come, but refuse to cross the street to sample anything else; chocolate cake is not just their favorite, it’s their standard, and they will happily change the subject to chocolate cake even if you are discussing filet mignon. Filet mignon? We want to talk about chocolate cake!
Imagine that if you say you are sick of chocolate cake they take it personally.
You would start to resent the constant harping on chocolate cake, would you not?
Now imagine you’re a movie fan and you grew up on Kubrick, Altman, Hitchcock, Lumet, Kurosawa, Scorcese, Chaplin, Keaton, John Ford, Sergio Leone, Orson Welles, Francis Ford Coppola, all the masters who came after them. Imagine you’re a science fiction reader and you grew up on Asimov, Clarke, Ellison, Sturgeon, Sheckley, Vonnegut, Le Guin, all the masters who came after them, Octavia Butler, more.
Imagine that you love great literature and you grew up on Twain, Steinbeck, Dumas, Shakespeare, all the storytellers of lesser or greater skill who came after them. You don’t mind a little down-and-dirty empty pleasure reading from time to time, just like you don’t mind an occasional epic slab of chocolate cake.
But you know the spectrum. You are aware of it.
Imagine that every single time you make a critical observation about one of the many other contributions to our culture, or subculture, somebody sooner or later insists on bringing the conversation back to chocolate cake.
Now imagine that you can foment outrage by any perceived disrespect of chocolate cake.
People start yelling, “I can like chocolate cake if I want to!” Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh…
Now imagine chocolate cake is STAR WARS.
Comment By: Adam-Troy Castro
October 22nd, 2015 at 10:18 am
Mike Glyer
Comment By: John Hudgens
October 22nd, 2015 at 10:18 am
I respect your opinion on “chocolate cake”, and in fact, I do like a lot of other dessert options…. but sometimes (especially come December), I’m gonna want chocolate…
And then the filet… 🙂
Comment By: Russ Weasel Laughlin
October 22nd, 2015 at 10:18 am
I kinda lost my taste for chocolate cake about three cakes ago. Could I interest you in a lovely strawberry tart? Hardly any rat in it at all.
Comment By: Adam-Troy Castro
October 22nd, 2015 at 10:18 am
I may have a slice of chocolate cake real soon, in fact. But it’s a treat, not a meal.
Comment By: Through the looking glass | William Reichard
October 22nd, 2015 at 11:56 am
[…] Source: Enough With the Fershlugginer Chocolate Cake, Already | Adam-Troy Castro […]
Comment By: Michael A. Burstein
October 22nd, 2015 at 1:19 pm
Chocolate cake and Star Wars? What a great combination!
Comment By: Zyada K
October 22nd, 2015 at 3:20 pm
I really loved the chocolate cake from this one bakery when I was a kid. Even when I grew up, I enjoyed that cake, even though it wasn’t quite as good as I remembered it. But the last time I had cake there, they had completely ruined the recipe – put it way too much sugar, didn’t use enough chocolate, and I think they replaced the butter with canola oil. *blech*
I’ve heard they’ve changed the recipe again, but I’m going to wait until I hear what other people have to say about the cake before I try it again.
Comment By: Matthew M. Foster
October 22nd, 2015 at 4:21 pm
Maybe it is because I know so many film people (I run a festival), but this is way less troubling for me. I have many, many conversations about film, about science fiction films–I run panels on science fiction films–where Star Wars neve comes up.
Sure, it does come up often. And a lot right now, but not much more than 2001 or Blade Runner. And I, and others, often critisize Star Wars.
It might be you just hang out with too many Chocolate Cake fans.
Comment By: steve davidson
October 23rd, 2015 at 4:15 am
I think you forgot one thing.
There is a kind of “special” chocolate cake. It’s made with a special ingredient (the name of which escapes me now but I think it is something like “midichoclotain” or something).
The effect of this ingredient provides the eater with varied sensory input, allowing them to believe that they are eating whatever they imagine they are eating.
It might look like they’re eating chocolate cake, but in their own minds it might be filet mignon, lobster thermidor or even escargot.
Of course, to the outside observer, it still looks like chocolate cake….
Comment By: Dave
October 23rd, 2015 at 7:02 am
Why all this talk about cake? Why are you not discussing Star Wars? Don’t you know there’s a new Star Wars coming out soon?
Comment By: Connie Hirsch
October 23rd, 2015 at 12:21 pm
Side note for admiration of the use of ‘fershlugginer”!
Comment By: Michelle Hartz
October 23rd, 2015 at 2:18 pm
Not so much with the classic films, but the rest of this describes my background entirely. I do love both kinds of chocolate cake.
The nice part is, not being a public figure, I can say what I like and ignore what I like with near impunity. (The bad part is when I do want to say something important, almost nobody listens.)
Fight the good fight.
Comment By: Michael Rapoport
July 27th, 2016 at 3:18 pm
I thought the punchline was going to be “superhero movies,” but yeah.
Comment By: Adam-Troy Castro
July 27th, 2016 at 3:18 pm
That fits.
Comment By: Connie Hirsch
July 27th, 2016 at 3:18 pm
I love that you use ‘fershlugginer’ in this.
Comment By: Leslie E Owen
July 27th, 2016 at 3:18 pm
I adore you now. Verschluggener indeed! I just used mamzer today!
Comment By: David Duet
July 27th, 2016 at 4:18 pm
I like that Facebooks “related links” below this are three chocolate cake recipes. (One of which I’m thinking of trying.)
Comment By: Buzz Dixon
July 27th, 2016 at 4:18 pm
Wanna talk about The Hidden Fortress
Comment By: David R. Palmer
July 27th, 2016 at 4:18 pm
I thought Spider had “fershlugginer” trademarked…
Comment By: Camilla Cracchiolo
July 27th, 2016 at 10:18 pm
The related links under your post are showing me chocolate cake recipes. For real.
Comment By: John Dumas
July 27th, 2016 at 11:18 pm
This was Facebook’s response: (reposted to clip out the names of friends in the right column).
Comment By: Ross Youngblood
July 28th, 2016 at 8:18 am
I new it. This explains German Chocolate cake! And Kahula cake, and jar jar is still a ding dong.
Comment By: Rob Gorton
May 26th, 2017 at 9:17 am
Paging Ben Bova…
Comment By: Bob Toy
May 26th, 2017 at 10:18 am
True now as then…
Comment By: Whitt Pond
May 26th, 2017 at 10:18 am
One is reminded of this classic exchange from an episode of Fawlty Towers:
Basil Fawlty: “Is there something wrong?”
German Guest: “Will you stop talking about the war?”
Basil Fawlty: “Me? You started it.”
German Guest: “We did not!”
Basil Fawlty: “Yes, you did. You invaded Poland. “
Comment By: Dave Meyer
May 26th, 2017 at 6:17 pm
I can’t help but think of vegans (not all vegans, just *those* vegans) who can’t stop telling you how healthy their diet is and try to spoil your enjoyment of chocolate cake.
Comment By: Gabriel Feycat Cuellar
May 26th, 2017 at 8:17 pm
Vegan chocolate cake is a thing…
Comment By: Barbara Kwasniewski
May 27th, 2017 at 12:17 am
It’s not just a thing, it’s an amazing thing!
Comment By: Adam-Troy Castro
May 26th, 2017 at 7:19 pm
I think I parsed it correctly. More like you can’t talk about any cuisine without somebody bringing up chocolate cake.
Comment By: Alison Spencer
May 26th, 2017 at 11:18 pm
I admit a lot of horribly ingrained bad attitudes… none involve chocolate cake
Comment By: Gill Avila
May 27th, 2017 at 12:17 am
I love German Chocolate Cake and I cannot lie. Cannot? WILL not!
Comment By: Alison Spencer
May 27th, 2017 at 12:17 am
Ok, if we’re oversharing will admit…I hate the hell out of German Chocolate Cake, but love the traditional coconut frosting.
Comment By: Gill Avila
May 27th, 2017 at 12:17 am
They go together, otherwise it’s blasphemous! Damn it, now I want to make one!
Comment By: Alison Spencer
May 27th, 2017 at 12:17 am
I am generally regarded as blasphemous, so don’t take it personally. But will stand by my original comments and continue to scrape the frosting off and toss the cake.
Comment By: Gill Avila
May 27th, 2017 at 12:17 am
Just buy the frosting, or do you do it in front of a window and mocking passers-by?
Comment By: Alison Spencer
May 27th, 2017 at 12:17 am
Depends on mood…. apparently the discarded cake is good for wildlife, so I don’t feel that bad.
Comment By: Gill Avila
May 27th, 2017 at 1:19 am
Except for dogs, I understand.
Comment By: Reggie May
October 22nd, 2017 at 10:17 am
I also like steaks, lobster, shrimp, pasta, hamburgers, hotdogs, varieties of potatoes, cheese, and other staples of the typical American food pantry.
However, I’m medically obligated to change things up a bit. If I ate like I was sixteen years old every day, I might not survive to my next birthday.
Chocolate cake and Star Wars on a regular basis? KMN. (That goes for ice cream and the Star Trek multiverse as well.)
Comment By: Barbara Kwasniewski
October 22nd, 2017 at 12:17 pm
NOW, I’m hungry!
Comment By: Rajnar Vajra
October 22nd, 2017 at 10:17 am
I wonder how many people responded two years ago as if you were talking about chocolate cake.
Comment By: L.J. Bothell
October 22nd, 2017 at 4:18 pm
I’m hungry, so I was thinking about it. But I like Pitch Black, District 9, 2001 & 2010, Alien/Aliens, Star Treks, Sunshine, Blade Runner, Interstellar, This old kind of silly one called Starship, Solaris, Minority Report, Europa Report, Infini, The Thing, and tons of others. Good thing I also like cookies, carrot cupcakes, ice cream, creme brulee, starbucks mochas, chocolate mousse, pie, fruit and cheese. . . I’m hungry, did I say?
One thing I love about being human is that we have so much variety and creativity. MMMM. . .
Comment By: Rajnar Vajra
October 22nd, 2017 at 4:18 pm
You almost seem hungry, L.J. But I’m not entirely convinced because you omitted crumbles, floats, freezes, tarts, trifles, whipped cream, and bizarrely failed to mention the crucial a la mode addition to your otherwise noble pie entry.
Comment By: L.J. Bothell
October 22nd, 2017 at 4:18 pm
Rajnar Vajra I live in the US, so tarts, trifles, and crumbles are not things here, especially treacle tart, which I would like to try, saffron cake, clotted cream and ices. I love apple brown betty, Captain Crunch, cobblers, rootbeer float, scones, Jello, cheesecake, rugelach, baklava, candy, brownies, bars, donuts and fritters, custards, eclairs, moon pies, shortbread, pops, chocolate-dipped fruit, pudding (after my meat), cannoli, iced yoghurt, shaobing, churros, frosting from the bowl, truffles, etc. NO marzipan, ugh. Hmmm. . . I think I’ll go have a couple of marshmallows right now.
Comment By: Pixel Scroll 10/22 No Certain Elk | File 770
October 5th, 2018 at 3:46 am
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